How I Feel About Self Love

Why I feel like it is different from how it is projected

By Hailey Kuhl


While I do think the concept of self-love as a whole is a wonderful and beautiful mindset for any person to hold, at times it feels as if it is shown in a distorted manner. Whenever I go on social media, many tags like “self-love” or “confidence” usually just contains a person yelling their head off at me through the phone telling me to get up and be confident in myself.


The positivity is appreciated, but being confident doesn’t automatically mean you love yourself. Many people forget the fact that self-love can change from day to day, and it takes more than a simple sentence to feel it deep down.


For a while, I did not have much appreciation for myself. I believed I was annoying every time I opened my mouth, and I wanted nothing more than to never speak again. I wore clothes that didn’t flatter me because I was deeply afraid of others’ perceptions of me, and I hurt myself physically and mentally. Even during those brief moments where I felt slightly good about myself and felt more confident, it didn’t mask how I felt deep down. It was not true self-love.


To me, self-love is when you feel like utter garbage and perhaps do not look as appealing as you’d hope, but in your heart you know it will pass and you are still content with yourself overall. Confidence is always important, but you can be confident and yet still be uncomfortable with who you are.


Some days I look in the mirror and I take a brief sigh. I’d get little to no sleep and look exhausted. Instead of sitting on how I feel about my appearance for hours, it usually goes away and I go on with my day. I still love myself during those times, because that one moment does not define me.


Other days I feel the most amazing I can, and I still love myself.


And even sometimes I just feel average, but I can stare at myself and be okay with who I am. Because at the end of the day, I’m still me, and I am content with who I am.


Self love is difficult to achieve. If you think deeply and don’t see that in yourself, that is okay. You are a human being and it is a long journey to achieving it in your life.


Don’t force yourself to change or indulge in money grabbing “Love Yourself in 5 Minutes” videos. Instead, affirm who you are inside. Look at yourself and tell yourself that you are the best you can be. No one can give you the satisfaction of self-love but yourself; filling the void with a person or things will not help you.


Self love can take time to remember who you are and that you are worth it no matter what feel. One day, you may wake up and forget about all your worries and deep-rooted insecurities and feel content.


And as Valentine’s Day rolls around, remember to take time for yourself first and know that you are the best love you can give to yourself.



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